Tips from The Knot on Seating for your Ceremony

Rev. Rebecca Nagy with Charlotte Wedding Planner Jackie Fogarty

Wedding Ceremony Seating 101 from  The Knot!

Family, friends, and family friends: Where should they sit during your big moment? With parents, stepparents, divorced parents, grandparents, and extended family, all in attendence, you'll need a plan. Here are our guidelines.

Ushers: Who Are They?

You can enlist a few of your groomsmen to play ushers, or you can ask some relatives or friends to seat your guests. The rule of thumb is one usher for every 50 guests. If you're having an intimate ceremony, you may not need ushers, but you might want to put someone in charge of "sensitive" seating issues -- like keeping your mom and stepmom apart.

Ushers really need to know where everyone's supposed to sit -- so print out a list for them! Traditionally, female guests are escorted to their seats; the usher offers his right arm to the woman, and her male companion follows them down the aisle. (With a group of women, the usher might offer his arm to the oldest woman.) These days, it's fine for ushers to simply greet guests at the door and lead them to their seats, saying, "Please follow me."

Taking Sides

Ushers needn't ask guests whose "side" they are on. (In Christian ceremonies, the bride's side is the left side of the church when looking from back to front, and the groom's side is the right; for Jewish services, it's the opposite.) But should someone express a preference for one side or the other (many guests will say they are friends or relatives of the bride or groom), they should be seated where they want to sit. If one side of the family will have more guests than the other, ushers should try to even things out, explaining that everyone will sit together so guests can get the best view possible.

Who Sits Where?

Quick answers to your most frequent seating questions:

• Elderly guests should be seated near the front.
• Guests in wheelchairs or on crutches should sit at the end of a pew.
• The first four or five rows may be reserved for immediate and extended family (like aunts, uncles, cousins, and godparents) and other special guests (like the parents of a child attendant) by tying ribbons across those rows.
• Immediate family is seated just before the ceremony begins. Siblings (if they're not in the wedding party) are seated before grandparents and great-grandparents. They sit either in the first row with parents or in the second row with grandparents. Start seating with the groom's side.
• If you have step-relatives, make sure ushers know who they are. Step-relatives should be escorted to their seats first -- for example, step-grandparents precede birth grandparents. You may want to reserve a few extra rows directly behind immediate family for step-grandparents and step-siblings.
• If the bride's or groom's parents are divorced, seat the parent who primarily raised the bride or groom in the front row with his/her spouse, and seat the other parent and his/her spouse in the third row. Alternatively, birth parents may sit beside each other in the first row, or they may share the front row with stepparents. Discuss this in advance to avoid awkward moments.
• The bride's mother is always seated last at a Christian ceremony; the groom's mother is seated just before her. (In Jewish ceremonies, parents stand under the huppah with the couple). The seating of the bride's mother signals that the ceremony is about to begin.
• Brothers of the bride and groom usually seat their mothers; the head usher can do it if the brothers are in the wedding party, or a brother can seat his mom and then take his place with the other groomsmen.

Are You Legally Married?

At the beginning of the year, I received a panicked phone call from a prospective bride.  She and her fiance had been looking forward to having a friend officiate their wedding in the Spring.  He was planning on jumping onto the Internet and getting "ordained". While at the register of deeds office, they thankfully mentioned this to the person at the counter, who promptly informed them that if they were getting married in the State of North Carolina, they would not be legal!

Fortunately, I had officiated the former Register of Deeds niece's wedding, and this person knew me, so they gave the couple my name.  When they called me and we spoke, I heard how disappointed they were about their friend, so we all met and I agreed to "co-officiate" with the friend so that he could still be a part of their special day.  It was a wonderful compromise that I was happy to make for them.

First - the legality issue:  in North Carolina, if you are not "duly ordained or authorized" by your church or religious institution, you are NOT LEGAL. The Internet is not a church! If you are an Internet-ordained minister - you are actually committing a misdemeanor in NC - a crime - and doing the people who come to you a major disservice because they will not legally be married.

(...the NC courts have stated: "online ordination is not recognized as legally qualifying someone to perform marriages in NC, & performing a marriage w/out the proper qualifications is a $200 misdemeanor." The ULC (largest online ordination church in America), is specifically called out as not being able to legally perform marriages in NC, but the case mentions online ordinations in general. Chapter 7. Appellate Rules See: State v. Lynch, 301 N.C. 479, 272 S.E.2d 349 (1980).)


Second - the professional issue: Internet-ordained officiants are not trained to handle your spiritual or emotional questions, couples issues, nor do they have the background to design and deliver a truly spirit-infused or professionally designed and delivered ceremony.  Ministers are trained for years at public speaking (at least I was at where I attended seminary) and how to handle many emotionally-charged situations. And  - they are not ordained by the Spirit, and therefore do not hold any type of authority.

Marriage is a Sacrament.  It does not matter if you are doing a religious, spiritual or a simple civil service - after you are pronounced "husband and wife" by a duly-ordained minister, you will be changed!  And the change is spiritual. I have done close to 2700 weddings in the past 18 years, and I have seen this over and over again.  It is a sacred time in your lives when you are committing yourselves to love one another unconditionally for the rest of your lives.

I am very grateful for this law in North Carolina - the state in which I currently reside.  I spent years in seminary, studied World Religions, became certified as a Pastoral Counselor and went through a deep examination of my faith and relationship to God.  Not to mention countless hours of research, projects, reports and a thesis.  This is a time where a person hones themselves spiritually, emotionally and mentally to take on the privileged vocation of being a minister.Through it I found a very large God that didn't necessarily fit into one religion.  Therefore I dedicated my own path to be inclusive and honor all paths. That is why I am an Interfaith minister and will also perform civil ceremonies.

We live in the United States of America for a reason!

But please check the credentials of any possible officiant for your wedding. Take the time to "vet" the person with whom you are considering asking to officiate such an important rite of passage in your life.  Where did they go to Seminary?  What Church were they ordained at? Research the answers. Don't look at price - look at reputation, credentials and if their personality and style fits with yours.

Your marriage ceremony sets the tone of your life together.  Don't short change it!

As seen on I Do Wedding Consulting Blog!

Rev. Rebecca Nagy – Education Series | I Do Wedding Consulting | Charlotte Wedding Planners

Today we are extremely excited to welcome Rev. Rebecca Nagy to our blog! She is sharing her knowledge on selecting your officiant, the flow of your ceremony and so much more.

Rev. Rebecca Nagy is a non-denominational minster, graduating from Sancta Sophia Seminary in in 1996 and ordained through Light of Christ Community Church, earning a lifetime ordination that is endorsed through the International Council of Community Churches.  She has officiated over 2700 ceremonies throughout the US and abroad. She works with couples of all faiths, spiritual and secular.  As a certified pastoral counselor, she also offers pre-marital, individual and couples counseling.

An active member in her community, she is a founding member of Queen’s University’s Work Life Council Advisory Board and has held positions on of the Board of Governors and Board of Trustees of both Sancta Sophia Seminary and Light of Christ Community Church.  Her weddings have been featured on local and national TV and she has been profiled in Today’s Charlotte Woman Magazine, The Charlotte Observer, Hospitality News, Carolina Bride and Inspire Magazine. Rev. Nagy was the founder and pastor of her own congregation for over 10 years. Currently she is the Spiritual Leader of the Knights of Malta, Order of St. John of Cyprus and a member of The Ecumenical Council.

Now, WHO is going to marry us?

You have just gotten engaged!!  Congratulations! Now there are just soooo many things to do – the first thing is where are we going to get married – a church, hotel, country club – B&B?? Then there’s music, cake, food –THE DRESS – and oh yes – WHO is going to marry us??
Choosing your Officiant is one of the most important choices you will be making when it comes to who will preside over your ceremony.  Your wedding ceremony sets the tone of not only your special day – but also reflects your love, your relationship and your attitude regarding your religion and/or spirituality.
Some important things to consider:

• Is the Officiant willing to work with you regarding your attitude toward faith, religion, and spirituality? Are they open to not only customizing your vows and ceremony – but will they go the extra mile to personalize it – tell your story – about your love, how you met and all the wonderful things that are unique to you and your relationship?

• What is their training, background and experience?  Some states, such as North Carolina, Connecticut, Alabama, Virginia and Tennessee, DO NOT recognize, under any circumstances, online ordained ministers, and performing a wedding in such states could result in fines (not to mention the fact that your marriage is not legal). Check on their credentials.

• A couple of good questions to ask:
  • Where did you go to seminary?
  • What church were you ordained through?

• Is their personality compatible with yours? Do they have a sense of humor?  Are they flexible and easy going? And will they remain calm when unforeseen things happen?

• What is included in their fee? Some Officiants seem to be reasonable and then start tacking on additional charges.  Mileage however is a common extra.

• Do they have a backup if they are suddenly unable to attend due to illness or other life events?  One thing you don’t want to hear is “I can’t be there after all” – period. Make sure they will make arrangements to find another person that they feel confident will be a good fit for you BEFORE they call you. You don’t need that kind of last minute stress!

• Make sure all of your requirements are covered in a signed contract or letter of agreement.

Photo Courtesy of The Schultzes Photography

You can also ask your wedding planner, venue and other wedding professionals for their recommendations – then check them out on the internet.  Many of the better Officiants have a presence on wedding sites and blogs – look at their reviews and ratings.

• Do not expect your Officiant to be your coordinator or director. This is not their job and even though they may have some specific ways of running the ceremony, they should always be amenable to working with you and your wedding planner or coordinator in how your ceremony will be designed and run.

• Here is another area where you do not want to skimp – hiring a professional planner that has the expertise and contacts to make your day come together seamlessly is an investment beyond price. Not to mention that hiring a wedding planner will help you enjoy the planning process more by taking stress out of the equation!

• Be realistic in your budget.  If you are using your pastor, a gratuity is normally called for, since you are basically paying their salary through your yearly tithes. However, if you are looking for someone outside of a house of worship or courthouse, expect to budget between $400 – 500 for a seasoned professional.

• Always try to meet in person if you are local, or have a conference call or Skype consultation if you are not.  And speak to at least two people.  Trust your gut – don’t let price be the deciding factor.

Your vows are the most important part of your ceremony – and normally have four parts:

• The Expression of Intent (the I Do’s)
• Your actual vows
• The Exchange of Rings
• And of course, the Pronouncement of Marriage!

You both can say the same vows, or different ones.  A fun idea is to work with your Officiant on your separate vows, and keep them a surprise until the day of your wedding!  I always love the looks of surprise when the couple comes up with almost the exact same vows.  Now THAT’S amoré!
Ask your Officiant for their ideas – most have a collection they have gathered over the years.  It’s always great to have something to look at while writing your vows. So grab a glass of wine, a notepad and spend some quiet time writing about why you are marrying this person.  You will have a great start to your special vows.

The rest of the ceremony can include:

• Processional
• Presentation of Bride
• Opening Welcome and commentary by Officiant
• Opening Prayer/Invocation
• First reading religious or poems
• Minister’s Address
• Second reading (optional)
• Special music (musical interlude, or musical and vocal performance — optional)
• “Declarations Of Intent” by Bride and Groom (I Do’s)
• Exchange of wedding vows (traditional or customized)
• Blessing of the rings/Exchange of wedding rings (traditional or customized)
• Guests recites Lord’s Prayer (Roman Catholic or Protestant version — optional)
• Minister’s prayer of blessing/benediction for the Bride and Groom
• Bride and Groom light Unity Candle — or other ritual
• Final commentary
• Bride and Groom kiss
• Introduction of the new couple by the Minister
• Recessional
• Minister’s instructions to the audience.
• Signing of the marriage license
• Pictures!

Additional parts to the ceremony can include special rituals from your faith tradition, your family and country of origin, and rituals that are special to you both.  Some ideas:

• Commemorative Candle
• Thanking Parents
• Children’s Vows
• Unity Candle /Unity Sand Ceremony
• Rose Ceremony
• Blessing Cup/Wine Ceremony/Unity Cup/Love Letters & Wine Box
• Breaking of Glass
• Jumping Broom
• Wreath Ceremony
• Hand Fasting
• Congregational Declaration of Support

Be creative – ask your Officiant and Planner to suggest other ideas they have seen. And – Google can be your friend! 
Most ceremonies last between 20 – 30 minutes.  This gives you an opportunity to craft something with your Officiant that will be both meaningful and memorable that is authentic to you and respectful of your families.
Just remember that your marriage ceremony not only sets the tone for your special day – but the rest of your lives together!

Outdoor Wedding at Old Rock Quarry

Carrigan Farms in Mooreseville, NC

 brings Two Countries Together!

Ollie and Ioanna met as while they were both doing post graduate work at Duke: Oliver (Ollie) as a Postdoctoral Associate and Ioanna as a Visiting Assistant Professor. They were married at Carrigan Farms this spring with a group of their friends from all over the globe! A wonderful setting for a couple who loves the outdoors.

Many of their friends and family came complete with their tents to extend the wedding festivities into the weekend!

 

 

Buddhist-Christian Wedding 

So very honored to have been the co-officiant with three Buddhist Monks for this wedding!  As an Interfaith, Non Denominational Minister I  am privileged to officiate weddings for people of all faiths, creeds and races!  As I tell these couples: "the love you share can truly help to change the world".  The more we learn and respect our fellow man, the more we honor God - we are all God's children.

A New Event Venue with Quiet Elegance

I had the pleasure of visiting with Carol Goodwin, Proprietor, at Brakefield yesterday and was very impressed with the venue and Carol! Only open for a few months, Brakefield is fast becoming a most desirable wedding and event venue.  And for good reason!  The venue is strictly designed and managed as an event-only location - it is neither a private club nor clubhouse for the rest of Riverwalk - therefore you will be insured of having every attention paid to YOU and your event!

Front Entrance to Brakfield

I actually gasped when I entered the kitchen, as it's as beautifully decorated as the rest of the venue!

The Bride's Room

Carol designed and decorated Brakefield in muted tones of taupes and subtle accent colors of rich peaches, teals, mint and green.  The feel is luxe with a touch of Victorian Southern Charm and Modern Saavy!

Another view of the Bride's Room

The reception area - complete with built-in dance floor

The reception/party ballroom is designed for maximum partay! 100-120 guests fit comfortably for either a buffet or plated dinner, a few more for cocktail style.  There is a built-in dance floor and designated spaces for DJ and/or live music and entertainment.  Carol thought of every nuance that will make your event run smoothly.

To book your next event or for more information, call Carol at: 1 (803) 324-3400

A Barn Wedding with a Rustic Theme

at The NS Alexander Homestead

Congratulations to

Mr. and Mrs. Keith and Megan Stabasefski, husband and wife!

  7-6-12

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Megan and Keith planned a unique celebration at this historic home in Charlotte, NC with bales of hay under a tree canopy outside before joining their guests at the Reception inside the beautifully decorated barn.   

Instead of the traditional "Sand Ceremony", they chose to use earth from the North and South, to honor their "Yankee" and "Southern Belle" heritage.  Mason jars were used  as containers, and they were placed upon a barrel, along with the commemorative candle. Here is the actual ceremony piece:

Unity Ceremony

"Megan and Keith, you have just sealed your relationship by the giving and receiving of rings and this represents a relationship pledge between two people who agree that they will commit themselves to one another throughout their lives.. The two containers, one with the earth of the North and the other with the red clay of the South – represent your individual backgrounds - all that you were, all that you are, and all that you will ever be as an individual.

Each one holds its own unique beauty, strength, and character. They can stand on their own and be whole, without the need of anything else. When the two are blended together they represent an entirely new and extraordinary love relationship. Each bit or earth brings to the mixture a lasting beauty that forever enriches the combination.

Meagan and Keith, would you now blend the earth together symbolizing the uniting of your lives into one?

Just as these bits of earth can never be separated and poured again into the individual containers, so too may your marriage be.

 

This is the before reception Gift Table - all pictures of the couple were covered in brown paper to be unveiled after the outdoor cocktail hour:

Before Guests arrive for Reception

As guests entered the Reception, they were treated to pictures from both an electric frame and framed pictures on easels

 The Cake Designer, Dominica of Nona's Sweets 

taking a picture of her inventive creation!

  Nona's Sweets

 Thank you, Megan and Keith for the honor of officiating your wedding - 

May your days be filled with every blessing and joy!!