Are You Legally Married?

At the beginning of the year, I received a panicked phone call from a prospective bride.  She and her fiance had been looking forward to having a friend officiate their wedding in the Spring.  He was planning on jumping onto the Internet and getting "ordained". While at the register of deeds office, they thankfully mentioned this to the person at the counter, who promptly informed them that if they were getting married in the State of North Carolina, they would not be legal!

Fortunately, I had officiated the former Register of Deeds niece's wedding, and this person knew me, so they gave the couple my name.  When they called me and we spoke, I heard how disappointed they were about their friend, so we all met and I agreed to "co-officiate" with the friend so that he could still be a part of their special day.  It was a wonderful compromise that I was happy to make for them.

First - the legality issue:  in North Carolina, if you are not "duly ordained or authorized" by your church or religious institution, you are NOT LEGAL. The Internet is not a church! If you are an Internet-ordained minister - you are actually committing a misdemeanor in NC - a crime - and doing the people who come to you a major disservice because they will not legally be married.

(...the NC courts have stated: "online ordination is not recognized as legally qualifying someone to perform marriages in NC, & performing a marriage w/out the proper qualifications is a $200 misdemeanor." The ULC (largest online ordination church in America), is specifically called out as not being able to legally perform marriages in NC, but the case mentions online ordinations in general. Chapter 7. Appellate Rules See: State v. Lynch, 301 N.C. 479, 272 S.E.2d 349 (1980).)


Second - the professional issue: Internet-ordained officiants are not trained to handle your spiritual or emotional questions, couples issues, nor do they have the background to design and deliver a truly spirit-infused or professionally designed and delivered ceremony.  Ministers are trained for years at public speaking (at least I was at where I attended seminary) and how to handle many emotionally-charged situations. And  - they are not ordained by the Spirit, and therefore do not hold any type of authority.

Marriage is a Sacrament.  It does not matter if you are doing a religious, spiritual or a simple civil service - after you are pronounced "husband and wife" by a duly-ordained minister, you will be changed!  And the change is spiritual. I have done close to 2700 weddings in the past 18 years, and I have seen this over and over again.  It is a sacred time in your lives when you are committing yourselves to love one another unconditionally for the rest of your lives.

I am very grateful for this law in North Carolina - the state in which I currently reside.  I spent years in seminary, studied World Religions, became certified as a Pastoral Counselor and went through a deep examination of my faith and relationship to God.  Not to mention countless hours of research, projects, reports and a thesis.  This is a time where a person hones themselves spiritually, emotionally and mentally to take on the privileged vocation of being a minister.Through it I found a very large God that didn't necessarily fit into one religion.  Therefore I dedicated my own path to be inclusive and honor all paths. That is why I am an Interfaith minister and will also perform civil ceremonies.

We live in the United States of America for a reason!

But please check the credentials of any possible officiant for your wedding. Take the time to "vet" the person with whom you are considering asking to officiate such an important rite of passage in your life.  Where did they go to Seminary?  What Church were they ordained at? Research the answers. Don't look at price - look at reputation, credentials and if their personality and style fits with yours.

Your marriage ceremony sets the tone of your life together.  Don't short change it!