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Rev. Rebecca Nagy – Education Series | I Do Wedding Consulting | Charlotte Wedding Planners

Today we are extremely excited to welcome Rev. Rebecca Nagy to our blog! She is sharing her knowledge on selecting your officiant, the flow of your ceremony and so much more.

Rev. Rebecca Nagy is a non-denominational minster, graduating from Sancta Sophia Seminary in in 1996 and ordained through Light of Christ Community Church, earning a lifetime ordination that is endorsed through the International Council of Community Churches.  She has officiated over 2700 ceremonies throughout the US and abroad. She works with couples of all faiths, spiritual and secular.  As a certified pastoral counselor, she also offers pre-marital, individual and couples counseling.

An active member in her community, she is a founding member of Queen’s University’s Work Life Council Advisory Board and has held positions on of the Board of Governors and Board of Trustees of both Sancta Sophia Seminary and Light of Christ Community Church.  Her weddings have been featured on local and national TV and she has been profiled in Today’s Charlotte Woman Magazine, The Charlotte Observer, Hospitality News, Carolina Bride and Inspire Magazine. Rev. Nagy was the founder and pastor of her own congregation for over 10 years. Currently she is the Spiritual Leader of the Knights of Malta, Order of St. John of Cyprus and a member of The Ecumenical Council.

Now, WHO is going to marry us?

You have just gotten engaged!!  Congratulations! Now there are just soooo many things to do – the first thing is where are we going to get married – a church, hotel, country club – B&B?? Then there’s music, cake, food –THE DRESS – and oh yes – WHO is going to marry us??
Choosing your Officiant is one of the most important choices you will be making when it comes to who will preside over your ceremony.  Your wedding ceremony sets the tone of not only your special day – but also reflects your love, your relationship and your attitude regarding your religion and/or spirituality.
Some important things to consider:

• Is the Officiant willing to work with you regarding your attitude toward faith, religion, and spirituality? Are they open to not only customizing your vows and ceremony – but will they go the extra mile to personalize it – tell your story – about your love, how you met and all the wonderful things that are unique to you and your relationship?

• What is their training, background and experience?  Some states, such as North Carolina, Connecticut, Alabama, Virginia and Tennessee, DO NOT recognize, under any circumstances, online ordained ministers, and performing a wedding in such states could result in fines (not to mention the fact that your marriage is not legal). Check on their credentials.

• A couple of good questions to ask:
  • Where did you go to seminary?
  • What church were you ordained through?

• Is their personality compatible with yours? Do they have a sense of humor?  Are they flexible and easy going? And will they remain calm when unforeseen things happen?

• What is included in their fee? Some Officiants seem to be reasonable and then start tacking on additional charges.  Mileage however is a common extra.

• Do they have a backup if they are suddenly unable to attend due to illness or other life events?  One thing you don’t want to hear is “I can’t be there after all” – period. Make sure they will make arrangements to find another person that they feel confident will be a good fit for you BEFORE they call you. You don’t need that kind of last minute stress!

• Make sure all of your requirements are covered in a signed contract or letter of agreement.

Photo Courtesy of The Schultzes Photography

You can also ask your wedding planner, venue and other wedding professionals for their recommendations – then check them out on the internet.  Many of the better Officiants have a presence on wedding sites and blogs – look at their reviews and ratings.

• Do not expect your Officiant to be your coordinator or director. This is not their job and even though they may have some specific ways of running the ceremony, they should always be amenable to working with you and your wedding planner or coordinator in how your ceremony will be designed and run.

• Here is another area where you do not want to skimp – hiring a professional planner that has the expertise and contacts to make your day come together seamlessly is an investment beyond price. Not to mention that hiring a wedding planner will help you enjoy the planning process more by taking stress out of the equation!

• Be realistic in your budget.  If you are using your pastor, a gratuity is normally called for, since you are basically paying their salary through your yearly tithes. However, if you are looking for someone outside of a house of worship or courthouse, expect to budget between $400 – 500 for a seasoned professional.

• Always try to meet in person if you are local, or have a conference call or Skype consultation if you are not.  And speak to at least two people.  Trust your gut – don’t let price be the deciding factor.

Your vows are the most important part of your ceremony – and normally have four parts:

• The Expression of Intent (the I Do’s)
• Your actual vows
• The Exchange of Rings
• And of course, the Pronouncement of Marriage!

You both can say the same vows, or different ones.  A fun idea is to work with your Officiant on your separate vows, and keep them a surprise until the day of your wedding!  I always love the looks of surprise when the couple comes up with almost the exact same vows.  Now THAT’S amoré!
Ask your Officiant for their ideas – most have a collection they have gathered over the years.  It’s always great to have something to look at while writing your vows. So grab a glass of wine, a notepad and spend some quiet time writing about why you are marrying this person.  You will have a great start to your special vows.

The rest of the ceremony can include:

• Processional
• Presentation of Bride
• Opening Welcome and commentary by Officiant
• Opening Prayer/Invocation
• First reading religious or poems
• Minister’s Address
• Second reading (optional)
• Special music (musical interlude, or musical and vocal performance — optional)
• “Declarations Of Intent” by Bride and Groom (I Do’s)
• Exchange of wedding vows (traditional or customized)
• Blessing of the rings/Exchange of wedding rings (traditional or customized)
• Guests recites Lord’s Prayer (Roman Catholic or Protestant version — optional)
• Minister’s prayer of blessing/benediction for the Bride and Groom
• Bride and Groom light Unity Candle — or other ritual
• Final commentary
• Bride and Groom kiss
• Introduction of the new couple by the Minister
• Recessional
• Minister’s instructions to the audience.
• Signing of the marriage license
• Pictures!

Additional parts to the ceremony can include special rituals from your faith tradition, your family and country of origin, and rituals that are special to you both.  Some ideas:

• Commemorative Candle
• Thanking Parents
• Children’s Vows
• Unity Candle /Unity Sand Ceremony
• Rose Ceremony
• Blessing Cup/Wine Ceremony/Unity Cup/Love Letters & Wine Box
• Breaking of Glass
• Jumping Broom
• Wreath Ceremony
• Hand Fasting
• Congregational Declaration of Support

Be creative – ask your Officiant and Planner to suggest other ideas they have seen. And – Google can be your friend! 
Most ceremonies last between 20 – 30 minutes.  This gives you an opportunity to craft something with your Officiant that will be both meaningful and memorable that is authentic to you and respectful of your families.
Just remember that your marriage ceremony not only sets the tone for your special day – but the rest of your lives together!